Finding Me-mo.

When I started having babies, I was 19. I can almost remember what it was like to have just one child...I remember the day I went home from the hospital with Lily. Within an hour, I called Jim crying and begging him to come home. Then my mom came over and helped me out and I was able to survive the dreaded first day (thanks again mom, I will never forget that day...and I still have the night gown you brought me!!). 18 months later, Eoghan was born. It was easier than I thought it would be (stop laughing, it was!!). For years I barely spent any time away from my children and chose for it to be that way. Now, it's been 6 years since I started having children and I had 3 of them in 4 years (I keep thinking "that can't be right, that's just insane!!" but it is indeed correct). Fiona is now 2 years old and a little human that doesn't need me the way she did a year ago.

So now I no longer have to focus so hard on my children. Of course I am always Mom (and a damn fine one at that-just toot my own horn-toot, toot), but none of them are nursing, they eat real food and can communicate what they want/need. Now at 26, I get to focus a little more on myself and my identity outside of motherhood. Who do I want to be? How do you be more than just one person? I'm having a hard time separating everything from the children. It's like on TV, when the parents go out for date night and end up talking about the kids the entire time and mom sneaks off to call the sitter, then dad sneaks off to call the sitter and they leave early to go home to be with the little ones. I want to be able to go out and not talk about the kids. I want to do something adult oriented. See a movie that isn't G rated. Go to a museum that doesn't have a slide in every room. Get dressed up for something other than a wedding or funeral. Have something on the calendar that isn't for Lily, Eoghan or Fiona.

I would like to invest more time into my relationship with my husband. We've got a great marriage (at least I think so) and I'm beyond happy, but I want more "us" time. Time to be really together and not in Mommy/Daddy mode.

I can't wait for 2 years from now when Fiona starts school and all 3 of them are gone during the day. I am already thinking of all the things I will do with my time. I've decided that the very first day, I will get them out the door then go back to bed until it's time for them to come home. Mmmm...that sounds awesome. Maybe I'll go to school. Maybe I'll get a job. Maybe I'll have a clean house!! Maybe, I'll be lonely. I'm excited to find out just what I will be..WHO I will be. I'll be able to go grocery shopping in the day time by myself...oh man...I am giddy with anticipation lol.