Am I a bad parent?

A couple weeks ago, I saw a meme on facebook that said (I can't find the pic so I have to wing it) basically that being a parent means that you don't go drinking until 3 in the morning and instead staying home with your children...a good parent puts their child/ren first. This started me thinking. Then, Jim and I were watching "My Strange Addiction" and the one mother (that was addicted to eating fabric dryer sheets) said wondered if she was a horrible mother for teaching her children the habit (she did NOT let her children eat them, in fact it seemed like she was a pretty good mom!). It was then that it hit me. Good parents are the ones that worry that they're bad parents...worry that they're screwing their kids up.
                                                   
Bad parents "know" that they're the best parents out there and that they're doing everything right. There is no such thing as a perfect parent...we're all just human. It's hard to raise another person in general, but to try to be perfect is setting yourself up for disappointment. Obviously in this highly political area, there are so many opinions...and even more people ready to jump down your throat because they don't agree with your parenting style. Just remember:
That being said, let me share my stink with you!

There are people that believe:

There is some truth to this...but I would say more that when you're a good parent you always have your child/ren's best interest in mind. A good parent cannot possibly put their child first all the time. Sometimes a person has to put THEMSELVES first. Sometimes. Not all of the time. Don't lose yourself or put yourself last all the time. Mommy/Daddy need a break from that once in a while. This is where the above mentioned fb meme comes into play. Everyone has a bad day at work. This also applies to the SAHM/SAHD...a lot of adults go out and have a few drinks after a shitty day at work. Taking a night off to blow some steam is perfectly acceptable...as long as it's not every night and you're still back at work by the next morning, then who the freak cares.

 

 

You don't have to be a crafty mom to spend time with your children. You don't have to be an overbearing parent to be a present parent. Your kids need you...they need you to love them and teach them how to be safe and how to function in society. Don't let them run wild as children...you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of picking up the pieces. Know where your children are at all times, know their friends and their friends' parents. (age appropriateness applies, obviously...I haven't hit the teen years so I can't coach anyone, but I'm assuming the same parenting principles apply.) Ask questions, demand answers. Remember, you are the parent.

If there's one thing I've learned in the past 7 1/2 years (and honestly, I've just recently realized it) is that everywhere you go, there are parents there that have been where you are now. Your kid is screaming bloody murder over that candy you won't let them get and everyone is looking at you? They're not (not all at least, there are still assholes in the world, sad but true) judging you...they're looking at you with sympathy because they too have been there. They're looking at you and willing you the strength to not give in. Be strong...but pick your battles. Never let them see you cry...wait until you get to the car lol.

I started calling ours "backpacks with tails" to make it seem a little less...true lol. The people giving you dirty looks for using these fall into one of these categories: has no children, has only 1 child and is not yet outnumbered, has never had to take multiple children out into a crowded public place by themselves while each child runs in a different direction or is a rude bitch. There are times and places for a backpack with a tail...like when you're taking two toddlers to the crowded zoo by yourself and you don't want to lose a child. Of course, you could also have a child like mine, that decides she wants to be a dog and gets down on the ground and starts barking and pretending to pee on things while you are holding the leash. Don't freak out. Laugh and tell your child how observant they are and how great their pretending skills are. For anyone who is still looking at you with that judgey "omg" look, I have one word of advice for you to give them, have you heard the word?

 

 

Don't ever be a DFI (dumb fucking idiot) and dress your child in something like this. It is sick and twisted. Anything that sexualizes your child or ANY child in any way, shape or form is wrong. Prepare for well deserved backlash and hopefully CPS on your doorstep. IMO it includes shorts/skirts that are too short, bathing suits that are too skimpy, thong and low rise underwear (seriously, who makes low rise underwear for 4 year olds? Better yet, who actually buys them!?)  and sexual dance moves (nobody but child molesters want to see your child shake their ass like a hoochie at a dance club).

 

Last but not least (for this blog post anyway):

It's bittersweet that everything begins at home. Start your child/ren off the right way by teaching them respect for others AND themselves. Simple stuff, like: please, thank you, excuse me, you're welcome, I'm sorry. This is probably the best advice any person can give or receive in regards to raising a child...hell...it's never too late for an adult to strive to be better at these things. Show your children the way...you only have one shot at showing them the "right way". 

 

Now get off the computer and go play with your kids. ;)

Decisions, decisions.

With so much in our lives changing lately, I've been wondering what's going to happen next. Over the years I've considered going back to school, but have been too afraid to really do anything about it. Can I afford it? Can I pull off the time I need to devote to school and home work? What do I want to be when I grow up? Now that 2 out of the 3 kids are in school, it should be easier...at least easier to find a sitter for 1 lol. So tonight did a little thinking, and I've decided that a career in vet tech is the right path for me. Now I get to bug every person I know that is currently taking college courses and ask them every question I can think of to start the ball rolling. I found a few different schools around the cities that offer vet tech programs...but I don't know anything about the schools. I know I've heard horror stories of some of the schools around and want to make sure I don't go there. What I've found is Globe, Minnesota School of Business and Argosy. Anybody have anything to say about those schools?? Do I think I could handle going back to school after all these years? I'm deathly afraid that I'm not smart enough to do it lol. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of owing tons of money. But then I start to imagine the cool job I could get after I have a degree...all of the cute little animals I will be able to work with. The potential money I could save by taking care of my pets myself. So many pros...I need guidance. I guess that's why they have special guidance counselors at the schools to help the confused moms trying to get back in the learning game. Hopefully I'll get some input from anybody that reads my blogs and can help me out...otherwise...I'm thinking I'll be calling around to the schools and finding out some information. Eeek. Wish me luck!!

Thanks for nothing.

You can ask for help and receive none only so many times before you give up on people. I've asked and begged for help the past couple weeks and I can count on one hand how many people have been there for us. Next time anybody needs help, don't you dare ask me. I've been losing my fucking mind. I'm at the point now where I feel broken. Simple shit, like helping me move some boxes or watching the kids for an hour or even just asking how I'm doing and letting me bitch about how much things suck right now...that's what I needed. No, that's too much to ask. I guess by being so strong for so long, this is what I get. Time for me to do some soul searching and cut the losers and users out of my life. If I don't return your calls or texts and suddenly you can't find me on fb, it's safe to assume you're one of the many. Snip, snip mother fucker.