Quoted.

“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” –Life’s Little Instruction Book
 
As I've mentioned in other posts, I'm getting ready to make some very big changes in my life. Let me tell you now, I am scared to death. When I stop to actually think about doing these things...I start having a panic attack. Then I think about how it makes me feel to doubt myself so much that I panic...and I get very sad. Everybody should trust in themselves. Why don't I?

“By changing nothing, nothing changes.” -Tony Robbins

Last night I went to the mandatory weight loss surgery informational meeting to learn about all of my options and ask any questions I had. It was a really great class/meeting and I left there confident in my decision to get the surgery. Now comes "the process". I have my first appointment next week with the dietician. She will help me begin a 6 month, monitored diet. During that time I will meet with a psych doc to make sure I'm mentally fit to be able to take care of myself and understand what is required of me both during and after surgery. The whole thing is expected to take between 6 and 8 months. I am beyond excited. I'm excited to be the best me I can be.  

“All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.” –Walt Disney

One of the things the speaker/surgeon said was, "Think about why you want this surgery. Why you want to lose weight." Really? I think every fat person...every morbidly obese person...has thought about that every day that they've been fat. So, I sat down today and I started writing. Such a simple question, such a complex answer. I ended up writing 4 pages before I made myself wrap it up. It's amazing how deep the weight problems go, and where they even begin. It's funny, but while writing my "essay" as I will now call it and filling out my paperwork, I quoted Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers movie, "I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat." The most appropriate quote on this blog.

“You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” –A.A. Milne

Like many others, I've been saying for years that I should go back to school. It's been 10 years since I graduated high school and I'm super afraid to go back to school. Well, after a month of saying (after years of saying it) "I'm going to request more info about the programs." I finally did it. I bit the bullet and I went online to request the information. No, I didn't call them, because I'm passive aggressive lol. Well, about 30 minutes after I submitted my info, I go the first call from Globe and set up a meeting with her to talk about the program and stuff. Within 2 minutes of hanging up, I shit you not, Argosy called me. So the next couple of weeks, I get to find out which school wants me more and is willing to jump through the most hoops to get me grants to pay for college. OMG!


“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” –Unknown

  So, in a a year or 2, I will be in a different place in my life. I'm ready for the changes. I'm ready to give my children a mom to be proud of...a mom that can physically keep up with them. Now when I tell my children to go to college, I won't be a hypocrite. When I tell them, nothing will change if you don't change it, I'll have some morbidly obese examples for them (that was supposed to be funny, laugh.) Up until that point though, there will be many ups and downs...many tears spilled...many hours of babysitting needed...As was said by Will Smith, "If you're absent during my struggles, don't expect to be present during my success."

I hope to see you all there.

“Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.” -Walter Anderson

Fill in.

So much going on in my life right now...where to start...

 

Recently, Jim said I could go (I decided I was going to go) to Florida for a "saving Jenny's sanity" trip. We booked the flight last night, so in a month, I'll be heading to paradise. I'll head into the airport (have I mentioned that I've never been on a plane before? Never been into an airport?) and be like:

 

And then I'm going to spend a few awesome days with my home slice and her family, doing things that you can only do on vacation without children. (Is it weird that I was like "I don't have kids, I should go to Disney World!"?!? Because that thought really did cross my mind lol) I'm going to lay on the soft, white, sandy beach and swim in the deep, blue ocean (and hopefully not be eaten by sharks, stung by a jelly fish or sting ray or sucked into a sink hole) and then at the end of my time, I'm going to arrive in MN and be like:

 

 Then, after we bought a plane ticket last night, today I end up wondering:

 

Because of this:

For the past few weeks, any time I chew gum, it seems like the gum gets stuck between two of my back teeth. Monday night, I was at my mom's and it felt like my filling was falling apart or my tooth was breaking. I made an appointment and today I went in. Turns out that there was some decay underneath the filling that was there, and it caused my tooth to rot and eventually break. Sexy, huh? So the Doc was messing around and plucked out a piece of tooth and said "well, I don't have time to fix it today, so just keep it really clean." Um, say what!? I have to live with this big hole in my tooth and now that I know it's there, I'll keep touching it with my tongue and getting super grossed out and almost barfing? Yeah, thanks. Even better, is that he wants to put a crown on it. Pro? I have dual dental insurance. Con? Only one insurance company covers crowns, and they only cover half. What does it all mean? I need to come up with almost $700 by Monday to cover the crown, up front. I was also informed that our family bill was outstanding at $1,600.00!! After being transferred and told to try a different person/place, I got it mostly figured out, and we should be in much better shape, debt-wise, come next week when we all have exams and cleanings scheduled.
I now hate dealing with insurance companies and snotty ass receptionists. (not like I didn't before, but today was a whole lot worse than the usual crap)

Tomorrow, after another trip to the dentist for a routine cleaning and exam (where I'm guessing they'll tell me there's a giant hole in my tooth hahaha), I'm going to go for a starter meeting to start the process of getting bariatric surgery. Before anyone freaks out and tells me why I shouldn't do it. I know the risks. I know I'm "fine the way I am". I know there are other ways to lose the weight. But after considering it for a while and now hitting a little over 100 pounds over what I "should" be for my height.My BMI (Body Mass Index) is 43.5. A Normal/healthy BMI, at the high end is 24.9. I'm at the point now, where I need help to make the necessary changes. A huge perk to getting it done is that I have to quit smoking to have the surgery done. At least that's the kick in the ass I needed to quit. Think happy thoughts and send me good ju ju. I need support from any and all willing to give it. :)

We are getting ready to start everything for the Little Miss West St. Paul program for Lily. I'm so psyched for her. (which reminds me, Anita, if you're reading this, we need to set up a day to come try on dresses! We have spring break next week!) I keep thinking that I wish I knew what was going to happen. If she gets it, I'm obligated to do a lot this summer. If not, I want to get the kids into a sport or a camp. This is our first summer off in 3 years. I am pumped!!!

Anywho, that's enough for now. I've overloaded your "care".

The Talk

You know the talk that every parent dreads...the one about the birds and the bees...the one that is inevitable...and just the thought of it makes your palms sweat, your heart race and the bile rise in your throat...and then, before you're ready, it's time to give it? Yeah...our time ran out yesterday. Thankfully for me, a couple weeks ago in ECFE, we had a professional sex educator come to speak to our class about how to talk to our kids about it. Honestly, if it weren't for that class, I think I would have had a heart attack. I'm no Dr. Ruth. Talking about "it" embarrasses and freaks me out. It makes me all:

 

So, when I saw that the boy was looking up pictures of nekked people on the computer, I pooped my pants a little. I made Jim go to the book store to pick up a book that was recommended to help us out Then at dinner, we casually started asking questions and finding out what our children knew of  *gulp* sex. 

 

 

Kids hear and see so much stuff day to day in and out of our homes that they are bound to have some sort of knowledge, accurate and not. Thank you Bruno Mars ("Your sex takes me to paradise") and "Gangnam Style" ("Hey sexy lady) and every Katy Perry song for creating a catchy tune that my children listen to on the school bus where there are other children talking about what they've heard about sex. My children were...confused...about a majority of it all. Things I learned that they "knew" really blew my mind.

 

So here's the thing...I've been called a prude for my...very conservative views on sex. So trying to explain what strippers are to my children who were misinformed about "the poles", was not an easy task for me. I quickly dug myself into a hole...and it wasn't pretty. Along with teaching your kids about sex, you also teach them your values...and since my values border on prudish, as I've been told (which apparently is a bad thing?), I guess I'm just not a great candidate as a teacher...but I have to try. Thankfully, "the talk" isn't really just one talk, it's an ongoing series of small talks, I have time to learn and prepare for the more. I'm also assuming that it's not cool to show them "The Goonies" and tell them that "Sloth" is a product of incest?

 

               So after we had the whole "when a man and a woman love each other and want to get married after they finish college and start a career, they give each other a special hug and the man's sperm mixes with the woman's egg and a baby is created" (don't worry my homosexual friends, the "same sex relationship" talk will come another day, you haven't been left out)  and lots of new rules for playing games online have been established, I am feeling confident we did a pretty good job of it all.

What did I hope to accomplish with this blog aside from embarrassing you all with my dirty words? I wanted to give all of my friends with small children something to look forward to. I wanted to warn you all that we have told our children about things and that they could potentially  "inform" your children, forcing you to have the talk with your own. (We told them that it was not their place to tell anyone about sexual information they "know" and if anyone asks to tell them to ask their parents. We all know how kids work...this will likely not happen, but we tried.) So there it is. May you spend your day wondering when your day will come. Bwahahahahahahahhahahahaha.

Getting Down With the Sickness

Monday morning I woke up with a stuffy nose and sinus pressure. Pretty sure I was dealing with a sinus infection, I hung around the house blowing my nose. Around 4, I blew my nose and my ears filled with pressure and needed to pop, but wouldn't. I tried blowing my nose more and yawning and then took to facebook to ask for help. Nothing worked. It hurt once in a while, like being stabbed in the ear, but the pain would come and go. Around 8 pm, the kids and I were cuddling on the couch watching a movie when all of a sudden my ear was killing me. The pain was so intense, all I could do was cry. I took some meds and hunkered down with a box of Kleenex. Thankfully, Jim came home early and I went and took a hot shower. It helped a little, but as soon as I got out, it was back to all out pain. I went to bed to try to sleep it off. Yeah, that didn't happen. I basically laid in bed for 2 hours crying like a baby. I finally got to the point where I would rather die than live with that pain any longer, so I called my mom to come bring me to the ER. Keep in mind that it's been snowing and is we are in the middle of a March blizzard that ended up leaving the Twin Cities with 9 1/2 inches of snow. I'm so happy my parents have 4 wheel drive in their awesome new suv...we were cruising past people in ditches and others that were creeping along the freeway. Anywho, we get to the ER and I go in and I throw up (thank you pain) and they bring me straight back to a room...I waited about 2 minutes before the doctor came in to check me out. Diagnosis: inner and outer ear infection. Wow, intense... (Google swimmer's ear, some scary shit) So he hooks me up with some pain killers and sends me on my way with prescriptions. I was going to get them filled at the hospital, but I wasn't going to wait for an hour and a half. The rents came to pick me up and we head up to Walgreen's. By this point I'm exhausted from being in pain and crying for hours and throwing up several times PLUS the pain meds PLUS it's 1 in the morning. The pharmacy calls me to say I don't have insuranc and the meds will be around $300. Hahahahahahahhaha...yeah, I can't afford $300...even if insurance does end up covering it after I file an appeal, I don't have $300 right now. So they call the doc and end up getting different meds, that are not nearly as awesome and bad ass, but they cost only $80...I'll take it! Let me just say, I'm so grateful for modern medicine. Tuesday was kind of a blur. I was on pain killers and sick as a dog to boot... Thank the snow gods for a snow day. I can't imagine going to get Eoghan from the bus stop while being so sick and loopy. I slept off and on most of the day on the couch while the kids watched tv and ate candy. My little Lily is getting to be such a big girl. She helped me so much with her brother and sister and taking care of me too. At one point, I was on the couch and I woke up to her putting a blanket on me. Seriously...I have some amazing children. Then there's Jim...who has been so wonderful letting me sleep and rest and be a whiny little baby. Any mom knows how much it sucks to get sick and how much harder it is to recover when you can't rest and take care of yourself. Today we got stuck going to the DMV and grocery store, which sucked the life right out of me. I'm hoping this crap goes away soon. It's cruel and unusual punishment to have a sinus infection on top of an ear infection. Every time I blow my nose, my ear pops and hurts so bad. I hear the meds and my bed calling me now...it is time to pass the eff out. If this post doesn't make sense, it's not my fault. I'm tired, in pain, can't hear, breathe, taste or smell...so obviously it's one of those things faults. :D