Goodbye 2012.

This time of year is so bittersweet. While we get to spend time with friends and family, start fresh and turn a new leaf, it's also the anniversary of the passing of my mother in law. Tomorrow marks the first year without Nana. I've learned over the past year, that it's a lot easier to miss someone when you can't call them anymore. I swear the woman drove me batty with all of her craziness and illness...but I miss how she would call the kids all the time to talk to them. I miss her inappropriate jokes and how she would laugh at them all. I miss playing Boggle and spades. I miss hearing her say "Hi Honey!" I guess it's true...you don't know what you've got until it's gone. RIP Shawnee, we all miss you.

Now we move onto resolutions. I think we can all agree that they suck. How many people actually stick to them? I don't think I ever have.

Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment. So I'm going to resolve to TRY to change the bad habits that I've created. 1) I want to be healthier. That includes eating less processed foods, less crap, less sugar...being more active...living more green...take care of body and mind...and on a family level too. 2) Work on organization and keeping the house cleaner. 3) Work on family rules...make sure they are enforced. Everyone needs to help to keep the family functioning properly. Mama can't do it alone. :)

I'm ready for 2013. I'm ready for a new year to corrupt lol. It will be quite a year for our family. Fiona starts preschool. We will be moving shortly into the new year (no idea where we will be moving...keep your fingers crossed that we can find something). The kids will likely start a new school. Jim and I will celebrate 10 years together. My 10 year high school reunion (and Jim's 20 year). Many birthdays to celebrate. Holidays to plan. New people to meet. So much is going to happen...and I can't wait to experience it. I hope you all have a very happy new year. Thanks for sticking with me through a year of mostly angry and depressing blog posts (I also resolve to make happier posts in 2013!! lol) Please, celebrate responsibly and get a designated driver if you party too hearty. Be safe my friends.

Bah Humbug.

I'm a giant ball of Grumpy Cat AND I'm menstruating. Hormones are out of control and I'm pushed to my fucking limits.

Problem Child.

What do you do when your child refuses to go to school and when they do go, they spend 90% of the day throwing fits, interrupting class, ignoring, threatening and even hitting teachers? Since school started in September, he's gone downhill really fast. The school is getting tired of dealing with him, and I don't blame them. It's a rare day that I DON'T get a phone call about how terribly the day went. When they look at him they see this:

Jim and I met with a woman at Fraser and she told us basically that he doesn't have ADD and he's above average in smarts. I took Eoghan to his first therapy session yesterday. He's got some sort of behavior disorder, sensory integration disorder and high anxiety levels. We came up with some goals to work on, but I'm honestly not optimistic. I get the distinct impression from both the therapist and the behavior specialist at school, that they don't think we're doing anything to fix the problems. Frankly, I'm ready to rip my hair out for sheer frustration. Every day is a struggle. A struggle to get dressed for school in the morning. A struggle to get him onto the bus. Every day we wonder when we're going to get a call home from school. We've tried begging, pleading, demanding, threatening, bribing, punishing bad behavior and rewarding good behavior...nothing works. Last week Eoghan was so unable to control himself and his meltdowns that he spent a couple hours the entire WEEK in his classroom. He refused to eat breakfast or lunch. They're going to get an iep going for him to receive services at school...but until it's all set, we're stuck in a vicious cycle. I'm so frustrated and confused and...well, scared. What if they can't figure out what's going on? What if nothing works? What if he can't ever control himself and spends the rest of his life in trouble? I've been considering homeschooling him to see if that would help. I keep being told "hold off" but, I just see Eoghan getting worse and watching new issues arise. What do you do when your child has anxiety attacks and is depressed? It's heartbreaking. I wish I could fix him and take away his hurt. I guess we just keep swimming and hope that things get figured quickly. In the meantime...I will keep trying. I need some wine. :(

Everything's just black and white I guess.

Today there was a status on my facebook news feed that really offended me... **name protected** brought this to my attention and he is so right! Almost 100% of the children that will be at one of the holiday events for struglling families will be black. The problem is that most of the toys that we have for the kids are of blond hair, blue eyed, white dolls and action heros. These children come from the poorest neighborhoods in Minneapolis where they see black people getting arrested, in gangs, using/selling drugs, etc. These children should have beautiful princess dolls and action heros that are black to play with so they can identify themselves with good role models. We need toys like the frog princess movie which is of a black princess, toys of black police officers, black firefighters, black soldiers, black teachers, black babies, etc. PLEASE order some of these online or pick some up if you see anything like this in the stores! After reading that, I felt because I'm white, the black community can't fix the problems they face. Maybe that's a little over the top...but it really irked me. Every parent has the opportunity to raise their children properly, regardless to color of their skin, how poor they may be or what "hood" they live in. You can live in the crappiest neighborhood in town and you can raise your child to be a respectable person and a successful adult. If you have dope dealers and gang bangers standing on the corners, you can move. You can change the scenery and make it a safer environment to raise your family. Tell your children about the things they're seeing and why they are wrong...Teach your children that they can reach higher and strive for more, EDUCATE them. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. My Dad was a painter by trade and worked long, hard hours painting everything under the sun. He would come home, change his clothes and head off to another job. My Mom cleaned houses. She cleaned toilets and scrubbed countless floors on her hands and knees. My parents worked hard to provide for their children. We didn't live in big beautiful houses, have new cars, wear expensive clothes or take fancy trips. We were middle class, to say the least. But, my parents tried to make our lives happy and easy. Now I'm grown and have my own family. My husband works at a dead end job (but hey, it's a job!) all day long, making just enough to get us by month to month. I spend the days taking care of our children (I would love to get a job, but I would only bring in enough to pay for daycare), trying to make sure that they are being taught everything they need to know and mold them into good members of society. Now here we are, 5 years later. We're losing our house and have to try to find a place that we can afford. We're getting assistance through the county to help us out. We're not rich, by any means. But we're trying. Our kids many things...but they don't have everything they want. I just want to make sure they have food to eat and toilet paper to wipe their little butts...even that is a struggle sometimes. Later in this thread of comments, was this: "This was not to get the agree-ance of everybody, it was from my own black experience my self. ROle models are always people outside of our hood, our kids only see pimps, drug dealers, gangbangers as their negative mentors, this is sad and wrong. Our black Children need black role models, in their presence, as young kids, as far as them not selling, that's not true, every black mother and father buys their daughters black dolls. It's just the stores only cater to white people, because they can afford any price that the white dolls cost. Most of our people in the hood are poor, we cannot afford costly toys or dolls. Only we know what our kids need. Every race of people has their own, whites have Barbie, Mexicans have Dora and we only have Princess Tianna, so with that said, again we as black people were taught as kids that black was bad and white was good, which today many years after slavery we know was a lie. So now that we know the truth, we must give the truth to our kids of today, and start them off with black is beautiful dolls, which will instill in our daughters that they are beautiful too. As for me I buy only black dolls for my grand daughters and my daughter, I want them to know they are a special and unique race just as beautiful as any other race." So I commented about how it doesn't matter what color you are, where you live or how much you make whether you raise your children to be good people. I'm all for helping people, but people also need to help themselves. Sorry if that's offensive. Sorry if you're so lazy that you can't get off your ass and get a job. Sorry if you're so addicted to drugs that you ditch your family. Sorry if you're so angry about your life that you feel the need to blame white people that your little girl doesn't have "an affordable black doll". This is reverse racism if I ever saw it. But that's okay Jennifer, "It's best to know us before you judge us, and being white is not bad it's between you and god. He loves us all but he hates those who try to judge." Are you fucking kidding me?? Yeah, and you're not full of judgment and hate toward the white man. That's obvious. Where's your concern for the little American Indian girl or the Middle Eastern girl or the little Muslim girl that doesn't have a doll just for them? You are only concerned for yourself. I was then told that I think like the KKK. WOW! Just wow. There are so many things wrong with this persons line of thinking that it makes me sick. Apparently because I disagree with his person, I'm a racist whitey. People born to the ghettos have survived and thrived and become doctors, lawyers, productive members of society. People born into rich homes that have every easy opportunity in life become drug addicted losers. People who are blind and deaf learn to read and communicate. See the common bond? They're people. It doesn't matter what shade of the rainbow their skin is. It's about being a good person...about TRYING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER...ABOUT WANTING MORE FOR YOUR CHILDREN. And p.s. If you can't afford that toy for your child...do what I do, save up. Collecting the change in your pocket every day and putting it away will add up. Don't wait for someone to do it for you, your child deserves more than that.

Craft Night!!

Yesterday, my gal pal and I decided to have a craft day to get some Christmas gifts made. After hitting a couple stores, we brought our loot back to get started. We worked for about 3 hours before I had my fill of trying to get stuff done with kids running amuck. Dinner and bed for the kids and I was back to get my rear in gear.

It's amazing how much of a mess two girls can make lol. We even had power tools!!

I ended up getting 8 Christmas gifts finished and started 3 more. We sat and did crafts for SEVEN HOURS. OMG! Today I feel like I got hit by a bus. My shoulders and neck hurt from concentrating so hard on my projects...my brain hurts from thinking so much...lol. I'm super excited for the next craft night though. So many things I want to make and try out. I'm no Martha Stewart, but I've got skills. :)