I just recently came to the realization that there are things in life that it's okay for me to enjoy being where I am in life. I've got 3 children, 5 and under. My days are full of screaming, crying, playing, laughing, hearing "Mommy" a 1,000 times, trying to clean, running errands, going to the park, changing diapers, feeding children...you get the idea... Any parent knows that the more children you have the more lax you are with each one that comes along. Our first child didn't have sugar until she turned 1 year. Now the 3rd, we still monitor it, but I've given her nibbles of cake. I didn't spend a day away from my first child until she was 16 months old and I was in the hospital having her little brother. Now with the 3rd, I'm yearning to go out and have some me time. I love my children more than life and I entirely enjoy being a SAHM, but sometimes, I yearn for adult conversation. My youngest child is now 9 months old, and I've decided that pumping and dumping once in a while is okay. I still don't consume caffeine...so I'm not changing completely...but up until this point (and with my other 2) I refused to have a drink. Funny how things change. I just feel like I've grown as a person and decided that it's okay to be an adult. It's okay to have time to yourself once in a while. It's okay to spend time with your husband alone and be romantic. It's okay to have a drink. I'm not a bad mother for having those thoughts. I'm not being selfish by trying to find myself as a person. It's such a relief to be able to release those thoughts and free myself in a way.
The past couple weeks I've been thinking about random appreciation and how it affects people. Last week I got together with a friend that I hadn't seen in a while. When we were leaving, she gave me a very sweet compliment. Initially, I was stunned a little bit by the randomness of it, but then I couldn't help but feel a bit more confident and notice the little skip in my step. A couple days ago, my "Thought of the Day" website had a theme very close to it..I can't find the exact link unfortunately, but it was a good one. Then last night my wonderful husband gave me a very sweet comment of appreciation that made my month. If it made me feel great, I know it would make other people feel great too. Why not start doing that more often? Maybe it will start a movement of fuzzy happy feelings. I'm going to randomly compliment someone today. :)
Have you ever had the feeling that the universe is taking a huge crap on you? I've been having that feeling for a while. Medical bills, dental bills, energy bill doubled, mortgage went up, the hubby's birthday present was lost/stolen last night before he even had a chance to use it. I just wonder when it's our turn for a bit of sweet luck. I'm tired of wondering what else could happen. I then knock on wood b/c I don't want anything else to happen. LOL. I'm hoping that my face painting endeavor will take off and I'll be able to bring in a little cash to help out with things. *fingers crossed*
In good news, last night we had over my oldest friend. We've been friends since 4th grade. Our lives took different paths when we reached adulthood, so we don't see much of one another. But when we get together, it's like no time has passed. We're able to laugh and talk like we always did. It's really nice. I had a good time remembering the old times and all the fun stuff we did. Hoping that we'll be able to spend more time together, more often.
As a girl, you grow up hearing stories and watching movies about true love and happier ever after. You go through life hoping to find your Prince Charming and living out the fairy tale. Sometimes, a person will get lucky and find that...some are not as lucky. Then there are those people who find more than that...they find their soul mate. Someone that is so perfect for them that that person can finish their sentences, says the things they think but don't say, understands them better than they understand themselves, and makes their entire life better just by knowing them. I am one of the rare ones. At a young age I met the love of my life, and have spent the last 7 years of my life living my fairy tale. We may not have a lot of money. We might argue once in a while about petty things. But we are happier than most people I know. We have a beautiful family. He is my best friend. There are so many times that I look at him and I fall in love all over again. I know that I am blessed to be where I am today, and I look forward to my happily ever after with my Prince Charming.
I've always struggled with my religious beliefs. I'm caught somewhere between Christianity and Atheism. I've been told that I am an Agnostic, and I guess that's about right. I believe that there is a higher power...not sure who or what that may be. I believe in living a moral life and teaching my children those same morals. I have a strong dislike for bible thumpers and born agains. They're pushy and rude. The reason I've never been a church goer is because I don't like having "sin and you'll go to hell" shoved down my throat.
Lately I've been struggling with my desire to join a church-like community. The "we're all a big family" mentality really appeals to me. I'd love to be able to go somewhere like that and be able to connect with people like that. But I don't want all the religion that goes along with it. Last night I was laying in bed and wondering "Is there such thing as an Agnostic church?" So this morning I was looking into it. Apparently, there is a "religion" called Unitarianism (also seen it with Universalism in the name), and there are several churches in my neck of the woods...but they're all very, very liberal. I am much more of a conservative, and I can't really stomach the strong liberal beliefs. So NOW what do I do?
I suppose I shall continue to look into the "daily meditations" that I was introduced to. I am a fan of the Hazelden "Thought of the Day". It's nice to have something to think about throughout the day, and it gives a little "project" to work on or think about. There are a few books that they've made that I would like to get. I guess this is what my "religion" will be. Cut out all of the overly pushy stuff, and take what I want out of it. A couple more sites I check out for daily inspiration are the Daily Motivator and Positive Affirmations.
While commenting on my niece's blog, I stumbled upon this blog. I wasn't able to get the old pictures, because the provider is different or something. I was able to see the old blog entries though, and it was super awesome to be able to look back at what was going on in my head and in my life so long ago. When I first started the blog, I was pregnant with Eoghan. I then found it again last year when I was pregnant with Fiona. Luckily, it's safe to say that I am NOT pregnant this go round... It's amazing how much has changed for me the past few years. How much I've grown as a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister and as a human being.
Lily is now 5 years old going on 15. We're getting ready for her to start kindergarten this Fall. I can't believe how time is flying! She is such a talented artist...I will have to share some of her work. Right now she's in gymnastics, and she loves it. She's got a flair for it too. It will be quite interesting to see where life will take her. I'm guessing she's going to be an artist of some sort.
Eoghan is 3 1/2 years old and such a BOY! He loves to get dirty, climb onto and jump off of things and play video games. I'm hoping it continues and he gets into football or something and earns a scholarship to college! Luckily, he's a very smart boy...he's darn near reading. It's crazy! He knows his letters forward, backward and upside down!! I've found a preschool that is very inexpensive and I'm hoping that we'll be able to find the money to send him there this year.
Fiona is 9 months old and growing so fast! She's crawling all over the place now. She's been pulling herself up onto things for a while, and has begun transferring from one surface to another. She'll be walking very soon now. The cutest thing she does right now, is dancing. If she hears music or I sing to her she shakes her little booty. I'm so excited for her to get older and get better with her separation issues, but it's going so fast, and I'm missing her being little.
Well, I suppose that's all for now. I'm going to bookmark my blog so I don't forget about it!
