Today I had my first appointment (of at least 3) with the bariatric surgery shrink. I got in and started filling out paperwork. Thankfully I got there 15 minutes early and got a head start (still ended up taking almost an hour to complete!). They wanted some serious background information. I was afraid I'd need an extra piece of paper to continue my answers. So I get in with the doc and his assistant/intern/lady that sits and types everything and stares at me but doesn't talk to me {awkward!}. He starts asking a billion questions and I remember reading that some people who already had it said essentially "if you want the surgery you lie, lie, lie so they don't think you're nuts." Even if I wanted to lie my way through it, there's no way I'd get away with it...they request tons of medical records! So now I get to go through a two hour test/screening to make sure my stress levels aren't too high and my depression/anxiety is within "normal" range. Great. I'm feeling like things didn't go well and they're going to tell me I'm too stressed out to continue...which is stressing me out even more. Vicious cycle? I think so. Keeping my fingers crossed that I am just reading too far into it and freaking myself out for nothing. Uuuuuggggghhhhhh.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
WWJD?
Growing up, we weren't a religious family. We had our baptisms, first communions and funerals. Tradition type stuff. I was in the church choir for a little while and as a teenager went with my cousins to their church for the "teen night" (sing some religious pop songs, play some games, have a little preachy/prayer time). My annoyance with the "bible thumpers" started then. I remember going on a camping trip with this Christian church and on the van ride, one of the girls said "I hate Catholics." I was upset, because what little I knew of religion, I knew that my family was Catholic. I was 15 when that happened and I knew there was something very wrong with what that girl said. I mean, aren't we taught through all of this church crap that God loves us all?
Flash forward a few years. I met Jim and we instantly hit it off. I even remember having the religion talk on one f our dates. I knew he was an atheist and that I wasn't religious either. End of discussion. We "lived in sin" for a year and a half until I got pregnant. We got married by a judge a few months later. Then our beautiful Lily was born and I wanted to have her baptized. Oh man. You'd think I said I wanted to set her on fire by the reaction I got. Jim was not for it. Out of respect for him, I didn't have any of my children baptized. (He still thinks I went behind his back and did it anyway.) I never taught them anything of God or religion and avoided it as much as possible to avoid the conflict it would create. I decided that I would remain neutral on the topic and not bring it up until they asked questions. Eventually they got older and had friends that would tell them stories from the bible or talk about God or Heaven. I always answered with "Some people believe this, but other people believe other things." Well, recently Lily came to us and told us that she wants to go to Sunday school and learn about God. *Oh shit. Here we go.* After a month or so and a few stops at churches for little miss stuff and Eoghan asking "Do we get to learn about God?", I decided that it was time to let the kids experience church. Obviously, the hubby was less than thrilled and wanted me to bring them to a hard core Catholic church (stand up, sit down, kneel, pray, sing, repeat) so they'd be bored to death. I wanted to give them a fair shake at it. To be honest, the past few years I've been thinking about finding a church to join for myself...especially recently with Ashley's sudden death and my upcoming surgery...I've been needing to find the faith. So I looked around and I found an Agnostic church in my area that seemed like a good balance. Not too preachy, not centered on just one faith, accepting of everyone, seemed well rounded. So I decided to check it out. This is how it went:
Sunday morning after sleeping too late and trying to skip it, the kids insisted we go. (Eoghan wasn't so excited, but had to go anyway lol) We headed out to the church I'd found and after a 20 minute drive...it was no longer there!! Fail! Luckily, on the way out, I saw a church near our home that had a blinking sign advertising their 9:30 and ll am services. So, we headed out. When we went inside, I had to find someone to tell us what to do. Awkward. I went and registered the kids to join in their Sunday school classes and the kids barely even said "bye!" to me! Fiona's room was basically like an ECFE room, full of fun small child toys and friends. Lily and Eoghan's room was like a rec center play room complete with Wii and foosball and tons of kids. I went downstairs and quickly realized that this was not a "traditional church". This was more of a modern setting. There was a band up on stage starting to play some Christian pop music and people started filling the auditorium. I decided before I got in there that this was strictly an observe and report type of visit. Before I know it, people are standing up all around me, arms raised in the air, singing their hearts out. Thankfully, the old man in front of me was also sitting down, otherwise I would have been totally mortified. This is just NOT my thing lol. Eventually, we got to where the preacher/pastor/dude that talks (no idea what his title was) started with his service (that's the only word I can think of to describe it...it wasn't a traditional sermon or anything. It was super laid back, just a dude on a stool on a stage with a bible.) I listened to him talk about the importance of true friendship and staying away from fake friends that don't have your best interest at heart. I found myself nodding along and thinking "wow...what a great message." Then there was the awkward "shake your neighbor's hand" thing and the passing of the collection plate and it was all over. I high tailed it up to get the kids before I could be cornered and told all of the reasons I should join their congregation. The kids were all grins and giggles and "MOM! We love church! Can we come back next week!?" Wow! I'm sure some of it had to do with the fact that the place is all fun and they gave the kids a toy for being a new member. On the way home, I asked them what they had learned. They told me about the story they were told (I have no idea what they were talking about or what the "moral" was...it didn't make much sense coming from them lol) about a missionary that was either possessed by a demon and did a lot of bad things and was arrested or a missionary that was arrested for spreading the word of Jesus and while in jail they kept saying they were wrongly accused and stared to pray. God heard their word and there was an earthquake and off of their chains fell off and they were "free". The guard told them that if they (the prisoners) left the prison, that he (the guard) would be killed for letting them escape. So, the missionaries stayed and spared his life. ...not sure what to think about all of that. I should have emailed the people to ask them what it was REALLY about...but I didn't. So now, the kids keep talking about church and praying and God and going back next week. This is where things get tricky...
Jim has never hidden his dislike for religion and church and the like. I don't want him to feel pressured to join us at church. BUT, I think the kids are old enough to decide if they want to have to go to church every Sunday. I think they're old enough to decide that they want to learn about God. I don't think it's fair to scoff whenever they mention church...or to tell them that the bible says women aren't equal to men. I say teach them the good things...like honor your mother and father, don't murder, don't lie, cheat or steal, help your neighbors, be a good person. If it helps to make them a better person, what's the harm? If having faith helps get them through a difficult spot in life, how can it be a bad thing? I think that it's possible to have a happy balance of both of our beliefs. Is it possible? I don't want it to be a "I'm right, you're wrong" thing...I want it to be a "let's agree to disagree but with respect" thing. I don't want the kids to feel guilty or stupid for wanting to try new things. I also want to have my role as their parent validated. I want everyone to be happy without the strain on my relationship.
I love you Jim...even if you are a heathen. ;)
Flash forward a few years. I met Jim and we instantly hit it off. I even remember having the religion talk on one f our dates. I knew he was an atheist and that I wasn't religious either. End of discussion. We "lived in sin" for a year and a half until I got pregnant. We got married by a judge a few months later. Then our beautiful Lily was born and I wanted to have her baptized. Oh man. You'd think I said I wanted to set her on fire by the reaction I got. Jim was not for it. Out of respect for him, I didn't have any of my children baptized. (He still thinks I went behind his back and did it anyway.) I never taught them anything of God or religion and avoided it as much as possible to avoid the conflict it would create. I decided that I would remain neutral on the topic and not bring it up until they asked questions. Eventually they got older and had friends that would tell them stories from the bible or talk about God or Heaven. I always answered with "Some people believe this, but other people believe other things." Well, recently Lily came to us and told us that she wants to go to Sunday school and learn about God. *Oh shit. Here we go.* After a month or so and a few stops at churches for little miss stuff and Eoghan asking "Do we get to learn about God?", I decided that it was time to let the kids experience church. Obviously, the hubby was less than thrilled and wanted me to bring them to a hard core Catholic church (stand up, sit down, kneel, pray, sing, repeat) so they'd be bored to death. I wanted to give them a fair shake at it. To be honest, the past few years I've been thinking about finding a church to join for myself...especially recently with Ashley's sudden death and my upcoming surgery...I've been needing to find the faith. So I looked around and I found an Agnostic church in my area that seemed like a good balance. Not too preachy, not centered on just one faith, accepting of everyone, seemed well rounded. So I decided to check it out. This is how it went:
Sunday morning after sleeping too late and trying to skip it, the kids insisted we go. (Eoghan wasn't so excited, but had to go anyway lol) We headed out to the church I'd found and after a 20 minute drive...it was no longer there!! Fail! Luckily, on the way out, I saw a church near our home that had a blinking sign advertising their 9:30 and ll am services. So, we headed out. When we went inside, I had to find someone to tell us what to do. Awkward. I went and registered the kids to join in their Sunday school classes and the kids barely even said "bye!" to me! Fiona's room was basically like an ECFE room, full of fun small child toys and friends. Lily and Eoghan's room was like a rec center play room complete with Wii and foosball and tons of kids. I went downstairs and quickly realized that this was not a "traditional church". This was more of a modern setting. There was a band up on stage starting to play some Christian pop music and people started filling the auditorium. I decided before I got in there that this was strictly an observe and report type of visit. Before I know it, people are standing up all around me, arms raised in the air, singing their hearts out. Thankfully, the old man in front of me was also sitting down, otherwise I would have been totally mortified. This is just NOT my thing lol. Eventually, we got to where the preacher/pastor/dude that talks (no idea what his title was) started with his service (that's the only word I can think of to describe it...it wasn't a traditional sermon or anything. It was super laid back, just a dude on a stool on a stage with a bible.) I listened to him talk about the importance of true friendship and staying away from fake friends that don't have your best interest at heart. I found myself nodding along and thinking "wow...what a great message." Then there was the awkward "shake your neighbor's hand" thing and the passing of the collection plate and it was all over. I high tailed it up to get the kids before I could be cornered and told all of the reasons I should join their congregation. The kids were all grins and giggles and "MOM! We love church! Can we come back next week!?" Wow! I'm sure some of it had to do with the fact that the place is all fun and they gave the kids a toy for being a new member. On the way home, I asked them what they had learned. They told me about the story they were told (I have no idea what they were talking about or what the "moral" was...it didn't make much sense coming from them lol) about a missionary that was either possessed by a demon and did a lot of bad things and was arrested or a missionary that was arrested for spreading the word of Jesus and while in jail they kept saying they were wrongly accused and stared to pray. God heard their word and there was an earthquake and off of their chains fell off and they were "free". The guard told them that if they (the prisoners) left the prison, that he (the guard) would be killed for letting them escape. So, the missionaries stayed and spared his life. ...not sure what to think about all of that. I should have emailed the people to ask them what it was REALLY about...but I didn't. So now, the kids keep talking about church and praying and God and going back next week. This is where things get tricky...
Jim has never hidden his dislike for religion and church and the like. I don't want him to feel pressured to join us at church. BUT, I think the kids are old enough to decide if they want to have to go to church every Sunday. I think they're old enough to decide that they want to learn about God. I don't think it's fair to scoff whenever they mention church...or to tell them that the bible says women aren't equal to men. I say teach them the good things...like honor your mother and father, don't murder, don't lie, cheat or steal, help your neighbors, be a good person. If it helps to make them a better person, what's the harm? If having faith helps get them through a difficult spot in life, how can it be a bad thing? I think that it's possible to have a happy balance of both of our beliefs. Is it possible? I don't want it to be a "I'm right, you're wrong" thing...I want it to be a "let's agree to disagree but with respect" thing. I don't want the kids to feel guilty or stupid for wanting to try new things. I also want to have my role as their parent validated. I want everyone to be happy without the strain on my relationship.
I love you Jim...even if you are a heathen. ;)
Friday, May 24, 2013
Playing catch up.
I've been sitting on some blogging for a while, so I figure it's about time I get to it.
After a couple months of ups and downs and dealing with some serious bullshit and a crazy schedule, the Little Miss stuff came to it's closing weekend for the candidates. Friday night we had the street dance which was a good time. Saturday was the day of parades. It started off pouring rain but ended up hotter than hell and we all got sunburned. Then there was Sunday, the day we've been working for. The day was super stressful when the girls didn't get into the dressing room until like 10 minutes before they were supposed to greet guests. So all of the moms were busting ass to get our girls' hair done and dresses on. (Although it sucked, I was super happy to see everyone pulling together to help each other out. "Who has hair spray?" "Anyone have a comb?" I need bobby pins!!") We all knew that within the hour, most of the girls would be going home without a crown. I also knew, within a couple weeks and by the time coronation came, there was no doubt, that Lily would be one of those girls. When it was time for the crowning, I still held a sliver of hope in my heart for my beautiful little girl standing up on that stage. Then they announced another girl's name. If it had been any other girl, I would have been happy for her. But truth be told, none of the girls even stood a chance. The winning little miss had her "pageant mafia" to make sure she got it. I know I sound like a bitter loser mom, but, I assure you I am not. After the ceremony and winners were crowned, I went to pick up our things and a friend of the winner's "godmother" came in and said (I shit you not) "I don't know why you were so worried she wouldn't win! I mean, you DO run this stuff ya know!" Yeah. It took ever ounce of restraint to not say or do something I would regret. It just wasn't a fair shake for the other girls and I was pissed. Lily took the loss better than I did. I had to step outside and shed a few tears of disappointment and injustice. Lily simply said, "There's always next year!" Bravo, my sweet girl. In that moment, I've never been more proud of her. So, friends and family, put aside $20 now to "donate" to her next year. ;)
Thank you, thank you to everyone that bought buttons or tickets for the luncheon or showed up to the street dance. I appreciate you guys supporting Lily and being a friend.
Anita, thank you for your help every step of the way with everything, including letting us use your dresses. I know I drove you nuts with my constant questions and freaking out. I am glad that I had this time with you and your wonderful family. I owe you.
To my Mom. Thank you for always being a rock for me. You did so much for me/us during all of this (on top of "normal life") and only complained a little. The last 3 days of this journey would have been unbearable without you there to stand with me. I know the sheer exhaustion you felt when it was over and I appreciate the sacrifice. I know that I will never forget you being there and neither will Lily. Thank you and I love you.
Now, onto the next topic:
Brené Brown. She does some TED talks about the power of vulnerability and listening to shame. Everyone needs to watch these videos. She has such an amazing, no b.s. way of talking that pulls you into her message so strongly. I'm not much for the self help type of books, but I will definitely be buying her book. Soon. I'll leave it at that...but if you watch the videos (I think you shoul it could change your life), please let me know what you think!!
Let's do a little gastric bypass update!
I just had my third appointment of six with the dietician. Halfway there!! I made my appointment with the GB shrink so he can tell me I'm crazy, but cleared for surgery lol. We're looking at sometime in October for the surgery date. I am getting excited! Next month I'll be going to a support group meeting to meet and talk to people who have had it done and compare some notes. I've been doing some research into the success and horror stories...and after going to try to find something to wear to the coronation...trying on 10 different outfits and looking through the entire store, TWICE, I decided right then that regardless to any of the scary stuff, all systems are a go!
Okay, well, that's all for now. Hope you enjoyed this installment of "As My World Turns". Until next time...ciao!
After a couple months of ups and downs and dealing with some serious bullshit and a crazy schedule, the Little Miss stuff came to it's closing weekend for the candidates. Friday night we had the street dance which was a good time. Saturday was the day of parades. It started off pouring rain but ended up hotter than hell and we all got sunburned. Then there was Sunday, the day we've been working for. The day was super stressful when the girls didn't get into the dressing room until like 10 minutes before they were supposed to greet guests. So all of the moms were busting ass to get our girls' hair done and dresses on. (Although it sucked, I was super happy to see everyone pulling together to help each other out. "Who has hair spray?" "Anyone have a comb?" I need bobby pins!!") We all knew that within the hour, most of the girls would be going home without a crown. I also knew, within a couple weeks and by the time coronation came, there was no doubt, that Lily would be one of those girls. When it was time for the crowning, I still held a sliver of hope in my heart for my beautiful little girl standing up on that stage. Then they announced another girl's name. If it had been any other girl, I would have been happy for her. But truth be told, none of the girls even stood a chance. The winning little miss had her "pageant mafia" to make sure she got it. I know I sound like a bitter loser mom, but, I assure you I am not. After the ceremony and winners were crowned, I went to pick up our things and a friend of the winner's "godmother" came in and said (I shit you not) "I don't know why you were so worried she wouldn't win! I mean, you DO run this stuff ya know!" Yeah. It took ever ounce of restraint to not say or do something I would regret. It just wasn't a fair shake for the other girls and I was pissed. Lily took the loss better than I did. I had to step outside and shed a few tears of disappointment and injustice. Lily simply said, "There's always next year!" Bravo, my sweet girl. In that moment, I've never been more proud of her. So, friends and family, put aside $20 now to "donate" to her next year. ;)
Thank you, thank you to everyone that bought buttons or tickets for the luncheon or showed up to the street dance. I appreciate you guys supporting Lily and being a friend.
Anita, thank you for your help every step of the way with everything, including letting us use your dresses. I know I drove you nuts with my constant questions and freaking out. I am glad that I had this time with you and your wonderful family. I owe you.
To my Mom. Thank you for always being a rock for me. You did so much for me/us during all of this (on top of "normal life") and only complained a little. The last 3 days of this journey would have been unbearable without you there to stand with me. I know the sheer exhaustion you felt when it was over and I appreciate the sacrifice. I know that I will never forget you being there and neither will Lily. Thank you and I love you.
Brené Brown. She does some TED talks about the power of vulnerability and listening to shame. Everyone needs to watch these videos. She has such an amazing, no b.s. way of talking that pulls you into her message so strongly. I'm not much for the self help type of books, but I will definitely be buying her book. Soon. I'll leave it at that...but if you watch the videos (I think you shoul it could change your life), please let me know what you think!!
Let's do a little gastric bypass update!
I just had my third appointment of six with the dietician. Halfway there!! I made my appointment with the GB shrink so he can tell me I'm crazy, but cleared for surgery lol. We're looking at sometime in October for the surgery date. I am getting excited! Next month I'll be going to a support group meeting to meet and talk to people who have had it done and compare some notes. I've been doing some research into the success and horror stories...and after going to try to find something to wear to the coronation...trying on 10 different outfits and looking through the entire store, TWICE, I decided right then that regardless to any of the scary stuff, all systems are a go!
Okay, well, that's all for now. Hope you enjoyed this installment of "As My World Turns". Until next time...ciao!
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