I'm Going to Miss This?

Today Iola and I took the kids to the park to play. By "the kids", I mean 4 children (2 on bikes, one in a stroller and one in a back carrier) and 2 dogs (my Shih Tzu and her Siberian Husky {the strength of that pooch is crazy}). Omg...to say it was intense is putting it lightly. We made it to the park and played for a while and fed fish and stuff and on the way home, Eoghan wiped out on his bike. So, I ended up carrying him the last block and a half...

 

 

Without a doubt, I wore out my patience along with my body this morning. It doesn't help that the kids are also tired (or tired of listening?) and being little brats. I swear, they don't want to listen unless I'm yelling. Add it all together and, well, my anxiety level is rising very fast.

 

It seems to me that as a parent you're not allowed to say that your kids are driving you up the wall and you need a break. If you don't put your phone down and watch your kids play at the playground you're "too plugged in". If you put yourself first ever, you're a bad parent. If you take a vacation to Florida for 5 days, you're not allowed to be driven nuts by your children within 4 days of returning.

 

Here's the deal: I love my children to death and I missed them terribly while I was gone. I love watching them learn and play and be kids. They DO drive me nuts...and you best believe that I need and am going to take a break when I need it (so long as my shift is covered). I take my kids to the park for hours a day every day and if I didn't just sit on my ass for a while and look at my phone while they run around, I might lose my mind. I'm not missing anything...they need to know what it's like to be a kid without mommy hovering over them every second of their lives. I need to put myself first once in a while because while I'm a Mommy, I'm still a person with my own needs.

There's a song that says: "You're going to miss this. You're going to want this back. You're going to wish these days hadn't gone by so fast."

I agree with that 100%. I'm going to look back on this time with fondness...and I will tell the stories of the shenanigans they got into. But the truth is, being in it right now, this shit sucks sometimes. Not every moment is a Kodak moment. Not every moment do I see a silver lining in the cloud. Some days, I want to run away. But I WILL miss this and I WILL want these days back. It's okay to not enjoy it so much 100% of the time leading up to that point. To pretend to be "one of those moms" would be a lie.

 

Tonight, I will go and have a drink with my friend and unwind from today. Tomorrow and the day after and the day after and the day after and so on, I will wake up and hope that the day is good and filled with more awesomeness than suckyness.

 

On that note, I need to go yell at these little fart knockers. Iola, I'll send you a bill for my torn shoulder muscles lol. Later.