The Talk

You know the talk that every parent dreads...the one about the birds and the bees...the one that is inevitable...and just the thought of it makes your palms sweat, your heart race and the bile rise in your throat...and then, before you're ready, it's time to give it? Yeah...our time ran out yesterday. Thankfully for me, a couple weeks ago in ECFE, we had a professional sex educator come to speak to our class about how to talk to our kids about it. Honestly, if it weren't for that class, I think I would have had a heart attack. I'm no Dr. Ruth. Talking about "it" embarrasses and freaks me out. It makes me all:

 

So, when I saw that the boy was looking up pictures of nekked people on the computer, I pooped my pants a little. I made Jim go to the book store to pick up a book that was recommended to help us out Then at dinner, we casually started asking questions and finding out what our children knew of  *gulp* sex. 

 

 

Kids hear and see so much stuff day to day in and out of our homes that they are bound to have some sort of knowledge, accurate and not. Thank you Bruno Mars ("Your sex takes me to paradise") and "Gangnam Style" ("Hey sexy lady) and every Katy Perry song for creating a catchy tune that my children listen to on the school bus where there are other children talking about what they've heard about sex. My children were...confused...about a majority of it all. Things I learned that they "knew" really blew my mind.

 

So here's the thing...I've been called a prude for my...very conservative views on sex. So trying to explain what strippers are to my children who were misinformed about "the poles", was not an easy task for me. I quickly dug myself into a hole...and it wasn't pretty. Along with teaching your kids about sex, you also teach them your values...and since my values border on prudish, as I've been told (which apparently is a bad thing?), I guess I'm just not a great candidate as a teacher...but I have to try. Thankfully, "the talk" isn't really just one talk, it's an ongoing series of small talks, I have time to learn and prepare for the more. I'm also assuming that it's not cool to show them "The Goonies" and tell them that "Sloth" is a product of incest?

 

               So after we had the whole "when a man and a woman love each other and want to get married after they finish college and start a career, they give each other a special hug and the man's sperm mixes with the woman's egg and a baby is created" (don't worry my homosexual friends, the "same sex relationship" talk will come another day, you haven't been left out)  and lots of new rules for playing games online have been established, I am feeling confident we did a pretty good job of it all.

What did I hope to accomplish with this blog aside from embarrassing you all with my dirty words? I wanted to give all of my friends with small children something to look forward to. I wanted to warn you all that we have told our children about things and that they could potentially  "inform" your children, forcing you to have the talk with your own. (We told them that it was not their place to tell anyone about sexual information they "know" and if anyone asks to tell them to ask their parents. We all know how kids work...this will likely not happen, but we tried.) So there it is. May you spend your day wondering when your day will come. Bwahahahahahahahhahahahaha.