I'm Moving On.

Sometimes, lately, I wonder if I have the plague. Suddenly, my social calendar is empty (which, let's face it, wasn't too crazy to begin with seeing as I {and most of my friends} have young children) and my phone stopped getting texts and calls. . My friends have slowly gone MIA...or bat shit crazy...or found a different friend...or stopped caring. I've hit all the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) in the past few months and I've come to this realization: It's time to move on.

 

I'll be the best, most loyal friend you can ask for...until you stop pulling your weight in the friendship. A friendship shouldn't be work...and if I'm the only one working at it, something is wrong. I won't kiss your ass to be my friend. I deserve better than that.

 

 

I give what I can to my friends. I give them my time, my love, my ear to bend, my shoulders to cry on... I don't have a lot of money, so I'm sorry if I can't make an event that you invite my family to. If you give me things throughout our friendship...if you buy me lunch, pay for my kids to see a movie, or any other thing that you offer to and WANT to pay for, DO NOT HOLD IT AGAINST ME! I'm sorry that I cannot reciprocate to the extent that you have. I realized too late that you tried to buy the love and friendship that I had already willingly given you.

 

 

We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to compete with another friend for your friendship. If you can't handle more than one friend...then cut one loose. Don't string me along if I'm the one you don't need anymore. OR if that other friend treats me like shit and you do nothing to defend me, then FUCK YOU. The "oh that's just how they are" excuse doesn't cut it. Don't cut me down to build yourself up.

 

Bottom line, I'm tired of being disposable to people. I'm tired of being the weakest link because I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm done hurting because my "friends" treat me like shit. Don't wonder why you haven't heard from me. Don't wonder why I don't care anymore. I've moved on. I know who is there for me and who isn't. I will not sacrifice my happiness for outsiders anymore. The only people that matter are my family...and they're the only friends I really need.

 

I thank all of my friends for the fun we had while we were together...for the memories we made...for the lessons you've taught me. I will never forget you. 

 

Now...(and pardon the ghetto)...

 

I'mma do me.

 

P.S. If you're wondering if I'm talking about you, maybe I am. Shape up or ship out.

 

 

The Skinny Bucket List

In three weeks I will finish my six months of meetings with my dietician. A week after that I will meet with my bariatric surgeon. The day after that they submit the request for approval for surgery to the insurance company and anywhere between a week and a month, we will get our green light for surgery. If things go as we hope, I should be having my roux en y done some time between mid September and mid October. Holy crap. So, as part one of my journey ends and part two begins, I'm letting myself daydream about what it will be like to be thin. (Something has to keep me from freaking out over the pain I will be in and the fact that I won't be able to enjoy food like I do, ever again)

Every so often, Jim or I will point out something that I'll be able to do after I lose weight...that got me to thinking of all the things I'm looking forward to and want to do once I'm healthy.


My skinny bucket list:
*Shop for clothes that aren't plus size.
*Wear high heels without being in unbearable pain.
*Wear my original wedding ring.
*Go to Valley Fair and not worry that I won't fit in or will break a ride.
*Sit on my husband's lap without killing him.
*Wear a bikini.
*Do the Mud Run.
 
 Can't wait to add to this list and, even better, to CROSS THINGS OFF!!!

I want to say a great big THANK YOU!!!! to those that have supported me this far. I appreciate the votes of confidence and an ear to bend. I love you guys so much. You know who you are.